Back at Home

I was back at home. Nothing around me had changed during the year I was gone, but I had. That small town felt even more depressing than before. I had tasted freedom, which had now been taken away from me. I spent my days writing letters to Peter (this was way before e-mails or Skype), thinking  and dreaming about him and the time we had together. Our phone calls were the highlight of the week for me.

My family was pressuring me to do something for my future, I couldn't just lay down on my bed and daydream. Of course they were right, and so I started to apply to different universities. I was also applying to university which was in my Au Pair country, near where Peter lived. I kept that as a secret from my family. My plan was to to move back there, since for some reason, I was so sure that I would not be accepted in university in my home country. I still don't know why I just did not apply only there, because that was definitely what I really wanted to do. Maybe I felt unspoken pressure from my family to stay in my home country or maybe it was just inside my own head - I wanted to please my parents by doing things that I think that they were hoping me to do. Like I had always done when I lived at home. How knows?

Weeks went slowly by and finally came the day that Peter came to visit me. And it felt like we had never been apart. Everything we had shared before was there and I felt reborn. Every night I fell asleep on his arms a smile on my face and woke up at the same place from his sweetest kisses in the morning. All my family also fell in love with him, they called him Mr Sunshine, since he was smiling all time and he was full of that positive energy which radiated everywhere where he was. I was in heaven.

Three weeks went fast and ironically his last day was also the day when I got the information from the university, if I got in or not. I opened the letter with shaky hands. I got in, with highest points possible. Till that moment, I had believed that it would be only couple of weeks that we should stay apart and now, only one hour before Peter's plane left there was no certainty when and where we would see again. I felt like I was dying.