I woke up to some disturbing sound. Couldn't figure out straight away what it was. Then I realized it was my phone ringing. Checked the time and saw it was 7 a.m.. Who would call me that time on Saturday morning? Has something happened to my old grandmother, was my first thought. When answering the phone (I saw it that it was my mother) I knew that something bad has happened, she would not call me at this time otherwise. My heart started beating fast and my hands became sweaty.
My mother's voice sounded like it came from somewhere really far away. She could hardly talk. She was blubbering: "Something terrible has happened, something terrible has happened!"I was almost shouting at her: "What is going on mom?! What has happened??". Finally she blurted it out: "Alex, has died, Alex has died!". I fell on my knees and shouted "NO!" so loudly that probably the whole building could hear it. I felt dizzy and nauseous and laid down on a cold stone floor. I started to repeat "This is not happening, this is not happening. You are lying. It can not be true!" My mom was just crying in the other end. Then I asked what happened? Suddenly she could talk very calmly and she said on a quiet voice "He shot himself.". Till this part I remember very clearly what was said in the phone call. After that moment I have no memories left.
Next moment I remember is that I was shouting at Peter (I was at his student flat then) "Alex is dead, Alex is dead!" The morning went on like that. I was crying and screaming the same mantra Alex has died, Alex has died! He was trying to hold me, and calm me down.
Couple of hours later my aunt, who lived about 200 km away came to pick us up with her boyfriend. Only thing I recall from that 3 h drive that my aunt (mom's sister) and me were sitting in the back seat of the car, holding each others and crying.
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